What a Month!

Hello!

Well..I quit my job at the bank! WOOHOO!! Very excited about this new chapter in my life, but am quickly realizing that I need help. Not every day, but when things get challenging and I am exhausted, I need help and unfortunately because daddy is gone so much for work (Sunday-Friday night straight) I don't have any help. Sucks for me, huh? I know other people have it worse and blah blah blah...I get that. But it still doesn't lessen my feelings and sometimes I really think I'm going crazy when Molly cries all day long because she's teething or growing pains...whatever. I reach a point and just can't take it any longer-but I have to. That's the thing. Most people would have someone to take over-usually it's a husband, or a grandmother...I don't have anyone like that to be able to say, at a given time, hey-need you to come over and take over for an hour because i'm losing my mind. No-I just have to lose my mind and try to keep it together and after one month of that-I'm exhausted. So, how am I going to do it continuously? Have no idea. I'm just venting now because I need to because at this moment, I have a quiet house for a few minutes-both kids fell asleep in the car and they are now sleeping (one on the couch, the other in the car seat still) in the living room and I am trying to enjoy it while I have it. I'm stressed...then I get stressed about being stressed and then I get angry that I'm alone and then I get depressed that my mom and dad are not here to help me...then I feel guilty because I know that there are other people, single moms and such, that have it way worse than me. So, all kinds of ups and downs for me EVERY DAY. And, I don't get a break. And when Mike is home on his one day off a week and I could take a break, I feel bad about leaving because I never get time with him-so the one day I get to see him-I leave because I need it. AHHH!! I just cannot wait until our credit debt is paid OFF and he can go back to his normal schedule and come home every day or so. I know the light is at the end of the tunnel...and we just have to go through this tunnel for another 2 years-but to me, it's a LONG TUNNEL!! Then I think-maybe I shouldn't have left my job-but then all the money would be going to daycare for the two kids and I'd really never get to see them. So, it's a crapshoot isn't it? Why can't we win the lottery or something? Wouldn't that be nice.

Anyway-enough. Alyson is doing great...loves preschool. We did her valentines for her class (no candy) and just found out that we shouldn't put the names on the cards....didn't know that and already did it. Too bad-don't sweat the small stuff, right?

Molly is o.k....she's not letting me sleep very good these days and that's a huge part of my struggles right now. I really think that I need a good 6-7 hours of straight sleep to function well by myself with the two girls. But, I don't get that so then I"m grumpy. She is sitting up now pretty good and she gets around the room by herself...kind of scooting rather than crawling. She's starting to move her hand forward to crawl and then move her opposite knee forward but then she falls down. So, I predict by the end of February, she'll be crawling. She's 5 1/2 months now. SHe babbles a lot and loves pears and apples. She doesn't like diaper changes (wiggle worm) and she's a pick pocket...she tries to get a hold of anything and everything!!!!

Love,
Angel
"Stressed out Mama"